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4 Missing Skills in the Workplace
By James Lloyd of Presentationfire.com
Missing Skill # 1-The art of Greeting others. It is my theory that the first moment of interaction says it all. Think about it: in just one second, the person to whom we are speaking is able to perceive how excited we are. What tone of voice are we using? What about our body language? I am especially challenged with this concept as I walk into my home after a day at work, sometimes half expecting a welcome home party. It is so easy to enter with an attitude of, “Well, here I am.” Thankfully, I have a friend whose example I strive to emulate – my dog, Phoebe. She is a beautiful golden longhair Chihuahua. Although she is housebroken, Phoebe has a “tiny accident” while greeting me every day at the front door. I don’t scold her because she can’t help it. She is just so excited to see me, she loses her control. What an exanother the same way? Missing Skill # 2 The art of Listening. I once attended a workshop in San Diego to study the art and practice of dialogue but, ironically, it was mostly about listening. You can imagine how hard it was to spend three days in a room with 25 people and just listen to them! I thought, “I’m a professional speaker – this is difficult to sit here and only listen.” But the stillness that happens when you’re really listening opens up space for so many positiv things to happen Sue, the workshop leader, gave us some homework: Tonight, call a person you sometimes have difficulty listening to,and just listen. Listen completely, for as long as the person wants. Don’t interrupt, don’t end the call early, just listen. I considered the fact that one of my favorite quotes is “I don’t like people to talk while I’m interrupting.” I knew this assignment was definitely going to be an interesting challenge for me. It didn’t take me long to remember who I most often cut off in conversations when I had “heard enough,” even though she may have felt she wasn’t finished. So, I called my wife Tanya. It was 7:00 at night, and I figured that this phone call would be no longer than 15 minutes...I’d still have time to watch that ball game. Well, I tell you, 7:15 and 7:30 came and went. My wife was talking, and I was actively listening: “Tell me more, Tanya.”“How did that make you feel?”“Oh, that must have been frustrating!” And it continued. Two hours later, as the ball game ended, I realized that this was one of the longest phone calls I’d ever had! Finally, Tanya said, “Honey, I’ve really enjoyed our conversation. Thanks for listening. By the way, was this your homework assignment?” I started laughing, and told her how much I had learned in the workshop – and during our conversation. From that moment on, I resolved to be a better listener. In his phenomenally popular book The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle writes: “When listening to another person, don’t just listen with your mind, listen with your whole body. You are giving the other person space – space to be. It is the most precious gift you can give.” Missing Skill # 3 The Skill of Apologizing In our generation, we have mastered the art of almost apologizing: “Well, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”Instead, how about “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”?“I’m sorry, but you had no right...” Instead, how about “I am sorry I said that”? Saying “but” destroys the apology. As Martha Beck writes in the September 2004 issue of O, the Oprah Magazine: “A lame, badly constructed apology can do more damage than the original offense... Apologizing is rarely comfortable or easy, so if you’re going to do it at all,make it count.” Most importantly – apologies must be specific...so give the reason for the apology. Missing Skill # 4 The Skill of Forgiving Forgiveness. It’s tough, and it’s complicated. On one of my business trips, I had the pleasure of hearing a speech by Jackie Pflug. Jackie was a flight attendant on an Egypt Air flight that was hijacked on Thanksgiving Weekend, 1985. After watching in horror as four passengers were shot, it was her turn. Jackie was shot at point blank range and thrown from the plane onto the tarmac. Altogether, 59 innocent people died during that ordeal. Jackie miraculously lived. I still remember the part of her speech that really touched me: She said that several years after that traumatic experi-ence, while still struggling with bitterness and negativity, she gave herself the gift of forgiveness. I loved the wording of that – and the meaning behind it! She gave herself the gift of forgiveness. Can you forgive others? I mean, there’s so much they’ve done to us! In their book entitled Yes, You Can, Deep & Sussman write: “At some point I must give up hopes for a better yesterday.” We’ve all had people who have wronged us. But if we just keep wishing for a better yesterday, we’ll stay in torment. Forgiveness is what allows us to truly let go.Oh, and while we’re talking about forgiving othealso invite you to forgive yourself? |
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